This and That

Merry Christmas and happy holiday, guys!

Cukup senang melihat perdebatan ngucapin-selamat-natal-atau-gak ga seramai tahun tahun kemarin. Apakah ini bukti toleransi meningkat atau justru saking banyaknya masalah-masalah intoleran yang muncul sampe sampe tingkat kepentingan ucapan Natal menurun, entahlah. Yang penting Natal tahun ini rasanya cukup tentram, or at least, gue ga liat aneh-aneh di detikcom.

............. Tujuan post ini apasih.

Well, ga ada sih. Tapi Natal tahun ini gue lewatkan di Manchester, yang mana bener-bener sepi kayak kota mati. Wakacau. Gue bisa guling-gulingan di rel tram kayaknya kalo mau. Kereta mati, bus ga jalan, toko ga ada yang buka. Akhirnya Natal kemarin gue habiskan keliling kota jalan kaki lebih dari 12,000 langkah pake heels boots. Idiot.

Talking about this and that, my life took few serious turns from here to there to the point I could not even comprehend the meaning behind this. Aslik. Rasanya ini tahun teramai dalam hidup gue... Punya temen-temen kompor yang suka liat temennya susah juga kurang membantu dalam menjalani hidup ini (but I'm still grateful for them tho). Terlalu lucu adalah semacam istilah yang tepat untuk menggambarkan tahun ini. Funny tho, waktu gue kuliah, I thought by this point in my life I would have get  my shit together. Ternyata nggak. Gue masih bingung and lose the direction, but well, that's fine for now.

I would definitely have another post dedicated for 2017, but I guess the true highlight of this year is to find myself again. At some points in this year, I lost myself few times to the point I almost broke down again like 2 years ago. I rarely opened up about this, but at some time around mid-year, I could not even stay in my room without feeling suffocated, like I could not breath. I felt constantly sick, and nervous about everything. I literally had to force myself out every day, because I was too scared of being alone. Everyone who knows me also knows how much I love being alone, but that time, I would do anything to never be alone, because the dark thoughts were so out of control. I was literally in the middle of losing myself, or maybe I have lost that time. I would probably never understand how depression feels, but it was definitely possible to be slipped into the hole of depression.

Life is getting better now tho, even it took serious u-turn few times unexpectedly, but well, what is life without the twists? 28 days remaining in this city!

Weekly Memento: The Essence of Travelling

Hi!

Harusnya ini di-post tiap akhir minggu, tapi karena gue baru sampe Manchester hari Senin dan tepar setepar-teparnya, dan ini masih awal minggu, maka maafkan.

I just came back from the most postponed trip of the year, aka udah berkali kali janji sampe akhirnya berhasil berangkat di janji ke empat. Gue kemaren pergi ke Dusseldorf dan sekitarnya, atau sering disebut daerah Nordrhein-Westfalen (NRW) di Jerman. Bahasanya, provinsi NRW lah. Kenapa pergi kesana? Karena disana ada mantan bos gue selama berorganisasi di tahun terakhir kuliah, and he seriously saved me from misery on the last year of college. If it wasn't for him randomly recruiting me (seriously, we didn't even talk on the previous year), college life wouldn't be as much fun as I had on the last year. So, the least thing I could do was to pack my bags and flew myself there.

I used to enjoy travelling. I mean, I still am, but something is different as time flies. I had a very tiring journey in the last winter that forever changed my view on travelling. 18 hari hidup di jalanan, dari satu kasur ke kasur lain, makan ga jelas, kedinginan, traumatis enough buat gue. Sejak saat itu, pergi lebih dari 4 hari udah cukup bikin gue gatel pengen pulang. Sebisa mungkin kalo pergi keluar kota, lebih baik gue pergi jam 6 pagi dan pulang jam 12 malam, daripada harus nginep.

Tapi yang paling berubah mungkin esensi travelling buat gue. I don't know why, tapi mengejar tourist attraction udah turun jauh dalam skala prioritas gue dalam travelling. The places would still be there anyway. Buat gue, travelling sekarang adalah ketika lo bisa bersenang-senang sama partner travelling lo. Gue justru paling suka nyasar kalo travelling. Atau ketinggalan tram. Asal jangan ketinggalan kereta kalo pindah ke kota lain, itu peer luar biasa. Gue lebih suka ngalor ngidul ngiterin Christmas Market daripada harus loncat loncat ngunjungin tourist attraction, terus foto, terus udah. I mean, ada kan orang orang yang penting foto supaya bisa di-post di Instagram. I admit I used to be that person. Dan... I don't know, but I grew tired of it. I once had a trip, and when I came back and checked my memory card, I was surprised at myself for not taking any landscape picture, and realised I did not fly across the damn ocean just to take pictures of me in front of a place with a blurry background. It was supposed to be more than that.

It was supposed to be getting lost in a new place. It was supposed to be admiring simple things in unfamiliar neighborhood. It was supposed to be trying guess the food menu cause you did not understand a single thing.  It was supposed to be opening Google Maps everywhere you go and still ended up somewhere you did not plan. It was supposed to be randomly buying things just because you want to bring something home. It was supposed to be running at the station like crazy cause you almost missed the bus. It was supposed to be disappointed cause the place did not live to your expectation, but it was still fine because you have your friends.

It was supposed to be sharing food with them cause you are broke and could only afford one, or too many choices available and you want to try it all. It was supposed to be counting the debt at the end of the day on who owes who and how much. It was supposed to be playing Charades while waiting the train, and making stupid noises, cause you know, Charades. It was supposed to be mad on the alarm that did not stop ringing but not coming from your phone. It was supposed to be sitting on the top on their luggage while they are trying to put it together cause they bring too much. It was supposed to be exchanging outers so your photos looked different from day to day eventhough you only bring one jacket.

It was supposed to be more than just taking photos for Instagram.