This and That

Merry Christmas and happy holiday, guys!

Cukup senang melihat perdebatan ngucapin-selamat-natal-atau-gak ga seramai tahun tahun kemarin. Apakah ini bukti toleransi meningkat atau justru saking banyaknya masalah-masalah intoleran yang muncul sampe sampe tingkat kepentingan ucapan Natal menurun, entahlah. Yang penting Natal tahun ini rasanya cukup tentram, or at least, gue ga liat aneh-aneh di detikcom.

............. Tujuan post ini apasih.

Well, ga ada sih. Tapi Natal tahun ini gue lewatkan di Manchester, yang mana bener-bener sepi kayak kota mati. Wakacau. Gue bisa guling-gulingan di rel tram kayaknya kalo mau. Kereta mati, bus ga jalan, toko ga ada yang buka. Akhirnya Natal kemarin gue habiskan keliling kota jalan kaki lebih dari 12,000 langkah pake heels boots. Idiot.

Talking about this and that, my life took few serious turns from here to there to the point I could not even comprehend the meaning behind this. Aslik. Rasanya ini tahun teramai dalam hidup gue... Punya temen-temen kompor yang suka liat temennya susah juga kurang membantu dalam menjalani hidup ini (but I'm still grateful for them tho). Terlalu lucu adalah semacam istilah yang tepat untuk menggambarkan tahun ini. Funny tho, waktu gue kuliah, I thought by this point in my life I would have get  my shit together. Ternyata nggak. Gue masih bingung and lose the direction, but well, that's fine for now.

I would definitely have another post dedicated for 2017, but I guess the true highlight of this year is to find myself again. At some points in this year, I lost myself few times to the point I almost broke down again like 2 years ago. I rarely opened up about this, but at some time around mid-year, I could not even stay in my room without feeling suffocated, like I could not breath. I felt constantly sick, and nervous about everything. I literally had to force myself out every day, because I was too scared of being alone. Everyone who knows me also knows how much I love being alone, but that time, I would do anything to never be alone, because the dark thoughts were so out of control. I was literally in the middle of losing myself, or maybe I have lost that time. I would probably never understand how depression feels, but it was definitely possible to be slipped into the hole of depression.

Life is getting better now tho, even it took serious u-turn few times unexpectedly, but well, what is life without the twists? 28 days remaining in this city!