Longing for Home

Have you ever felt like, a deep longing towards a place you shouldn't be called home, but in retrospect, it was the most "home" you ever had?

Because I do. And I will wait, for the rest of my life, the moment I could take a walk on this path again.

London

 

“To walk alone in London is the greatest rest.” Virginia Woolf

Honestly, it can't be more true.

I'm not sure if there's a lot like me, but I'm not a big fan of London. It is too much, too big, too busy, it is not friendly. Everytime I set my foot in London, I always feel like out of place. However, to take a walk alone in London kinda made you realize that you are a tiny speck in the universe, put you back in the perspective that life goes on for everybody.

4/30: Navigating Life

 (this is a part of 30 topics writing challenge)

Honestly, if there's any knowledge I am grateful my whole life, it is probably not to be an a**hole.

If any of you has not subsribed to AITA (Am I The A**hole) on Reddit, do yourself a favor and find an Instagram account dedicated to that subreddit. It's shocking that sometimes people allow themselves to be hurt, but again, hey, I was on that position once.

I suspect it was my novels, fanfics, readings in general that brought me these knowledge. And as much as I try to shrug it off, my obsessions to self-motivating quotes kinda help me on *hard* times to stand up. Kadang-kadang gue mikir, how do I raise my future children to be likeable people?

3/30: Another World

This is probably my favorite place on Earth -- Iceland.

It was something else, beyond anything in this world.

2/30: To Overcome

 (this is a part of 30 topics writing challenge)

Second topic in and I'm already changing the subject. Well if it ain't me. But I feel like I can talk more about this: What is something you’ve had to overcome in your life? 

It's a bit scattered in my brain right now, but I think I managed to move past the feeling of not being enough. It stemmed from the earliest memory of heartbreak that I ever experienced: I was not good enough and I was easily replaceable. I think, deep down, it really crushed me and broke my trust to people.

And thus, I began to detach from people. I started to store relationship in my brain as something temporary. I trained myself to feel okay by being alone. As sad as it sounded, it was something that support my life in Manchester, that I was able to live on my own. I felt enough by myself, I felt comfortable to roam around on my own, I took solo trips to cities, the only thing I needed was myself. 

But I met person, people, and somehow my perception shifted. I do think I still need to manage my attachment, but not everybody will leave. Some will stay. Some stays. Some grew apart, but it's okay.

I am good. And I am enough. And I am worthy of people. And I deserve love.

1/30: 15 Things About Me

 (this is a part of 30 topics writing challenge)

Well, well, welcome to the first topic! Jujur gue udah mikirin topik ini selama 24 jam lebih dan gue lebih khawatir ternyata gue ga punya fakta-fakta menarik untuk diceritakan. Tapi mari kita lihat jari gue selemes apa dalam mengetik. Berhubung katanya harus dilengkapi foto, baiklah berikut foto terbaru gue dengan potongan rambut yang membuat kita mengelus dada karena made by husband tapi alhamdulillah ga keliatan:

Bhaik, mohon maaf fotonya gede banget, soalnya muka gue cilik banget disitu. Sebenernya hampir ga keliatan juga sih, but I'm alive and well.

15 facts about myself!

1. I just resigned from my office job. Well, ga baru juga sih. 2 bulan lalu gue memutuskan mundur dari pekerjaan gue di Jakarta, dan sekaligus juga mundur dari Jakarta. Sekarang gue tinggal di Jogja, dan berusaha merintis sesuatu yang baru. Gue sebenernya udah tau dari lama, I was not made for 8 to 5 work. Bahkan gue udah pernah bahas ini di post gue entah tahun 2014 atau 2015, gue emang ga pengen kerja kantoran. Jujur, ga ngerti juga kenapa. I did my job very well, my ex-boss could attest to that. Bukannya gue males-malesan kerja karena ga suka, tapi kayaknya memang hati gue ga disitu. Boi, I can't handle the burden 😂

2. I am a hardcore Swiftie. By hardcore I mean I could recite every songs from Reputation and 1989 album. Not all, but for the rest of the albums, I know more than the half of the songs for each album. She really is the greatest songwriter of our generation, y'all. The lyrics, ugh, the lyrics killed me. Hal pertama yang gue perhatiin dari suatu album emang liriknya dulu, how much I could relate to the words. And Miss Swift... man, you know her heartbreaks.

3. I love fanfictions. Bagi yang kurang familiar, fanfiction  itu semacam cerita karangan buatan penggemar mengenai sebuah instalasi, be it drama, movie, games, whatever. Kalo gue suka suatu drama misalnya, gitu drama itu selesai, gue pasti masih lanjutin nyari fanfiction tentang drama itu. It's just I don't want to leave their world yet. Kadang lo suka gemes ga sih ada series beres yang endingnya gantung, like you want to know their life in the next year, next 5 years, or even the prequel. Enak menikmati sebuah cerita karangan orang lain ketika lo bisa membayangkan pemeran pemerannya dengan jelas.

4. Gue suka nulis campur campur. Apa itu namanya, code switching? Apalagi di blog ini. Malah gue berpikir, gue pengen ngebahas topik topik yang rada berat dengan bahasa gue yang campursari kayak gini. Gue pernah bikin Wordpress buat bahas hal hal yang lebih serius pake "saya-Anda", yang ada gue gengges sendiri. Akhirnya gue hapus wkwkwkw.

5. I am an introvert. Hard core deadass introvert. Tapi orang-orang mostly kaget kalo gue bilang gue introvert. Well, buat gue, keterbukaan lo terhadap orang dan bagaimana lo berkomunikasi itu 100%  pilihan lo. Gue introvert tapi gue paham pentingnya networking and connection. Ya meskipun gue kadang tetep males mau nyapa orang duluan atau basa basi 😂

6. I have hard time deleting memories. Ya ampun dangdut banget bahasa gue. Jadi gini, gue selama 2020 kemarin seneng banget nonton Marie Kondo dan The Home Edit, itu, acara beres beres rumah. Bawaannya tu rasanya pengen buangin barang aja. Wkwkwk. Ya alhamdulillah cukup banyak barang yang gue declutter sebelum pindah ke Jogja. Satu hal yang selalu gagal gue declutter? Isi harddisk dan laptop gue. Boiiiiii it's hard. Even ketika gue punya foto temen SMA gue yang mungkin orangnya juga udah ga inget sama gue. Itu cuma beberapa mega byte di harddisk gue yang 1 giga byte, sebenarnya ga ganggu juga. Tapi rasanya gue harus mulai belajar decluttering memories.

7. I write sad things or poetic things when I am sad. Kalau kalian liat blog ini tahun 2017, idih, gue udah bisa kali jadi temennya Rupi Kaur. Jangan deng, jangan Rupi Kaur. Ya pokoknya tulisan tulisan puitis ala Tumblr gitu, ngerti kan? Cuma sekarang, hidup gue baik baik aja very much, dah gue ga bisa nulis apa apaan lagi yang sedih sedih. I can't relate to those things anymore (not that I want to). 

8. Gue bisa bicara bahasa Papua dengan sangat fasih. Well, bahasa Papua juga sebenernya ga kayak bahasa Jawa atau Sunda yang punya dictionary yang sangat berbeda, but well, kalo kalian bawa gue ke pasar di Papua, gue jamin dapet harga warga lokal. Ga bakal kena tipu tipu.

9. At some point in my life, I had a thought about never getting married. Ya mungkin banyak orang di dunia ini punya pikiran gitu, dan banyak juga yang melakukan. But considering now I'm married even at 25, lucu aja kalo dipikir pikir 6 tahun sebelum itu, gue pernah mikir, sepertinya hidup tanpa menikah lebih mudah. Well, granted I had some traumas about that. Of course I love my husband! 😂

10. I almost got hit by a truck once, during my junior highschool. Dulu tuh gue suka kesel ya kalo di film-film, orang mau ditabrak bukannya lari, malah diem aja mematung. Ternyata memang seperti itu wkwkwkw. Kayaknya kalo dulu gue ga ditarik sama temen gue, udah RIP gue sekarang.

11. Gue selalu bingung kalo ditanya "Kamu orang apa?". Karena gue juga bingung jawabannya. Gue harus jawab apa? Orang Batak? Orang Sunda? Tapi lahir di Papua? Orang Jakarta? Tapi cuma 10 tahun juga tinggal di Jakarta. 

12. Sampe sekarang gue masih belum yakin metode belajar yang paling baik untuk gue itu apa. Audio is definitely out of the window. Ya biasanya sih kalo mencari tau tentang sesuatu, reaksi pertama gue adalah ngegoogle dulu dan baca artikel. Tapi kadang nonton Youtube juga.

13. Surprisingly, I am afraid of bridge. Iya, jembatan. Gue ga terlalu takut ketinggian, apalagi kalo misalnya ngeliat ke arah laut gitu. Atau naik bianglala. Biasa aja. Tapi kalo naik jembatan, itu tuh kayak banyak banget kemungkinan yang bisa terjadi. Bisa tiba tiba kepleset terus jatoh. Atau gue senderan terus jatuh. Atau jembatannya goyang. Bahkan kadang naik jembatan penyebrangan aja gue takut.

14. Gue ga suka gudeg. This is an irony considering I married Jogja native and live in Jogja.... Tapi gimana ya. Sebenernya ga spesifik gudeg, tapi gue ga suka makanan yang udah kecampur sana sini dan gue ga bisa misah misahin bagian makanan itu. Kayak, gue pengen makan telur ya telur aja, kalo gue mau telurnya dibumbuin ya itu pilihan gue gitu loh. Apalagi kalo bumbunya kayak kuah makanan lain. Biarlah gue yang menentukan itu. Wkwkwkwk.

15. Gue takut naik pesawat. Jujur ini sedih banget karena gue selalu ga bisa menikmati perjalanan ketika kemana gitu. Bener bener pesawat goyang dikit gue bisa megangin pegangan dudukan sampe mendarat lagi. Pesawat tuh bener bener tempat dimana kita se pasrah pasrahnya pasrah sama keadaan. I simply hate to surrender the control, I guess.

Aiiiiii I made it!!! Meskipun di pertanyaan ke 9 gue udah mulai googling apalagi nih pertanyaan-pertanyaan tentang facts about me 😭 Ya begitulah, meskipun gue yakin ini kategorinya banyak yang ga penting (if not all), tapi siapa yang ga sepakat kalau "tell me about yourself" adalah pertanyaan tersulit saat interview?

Writing Challenge: 30 Topics

Aloha aloha!

Welcome to 2021!

Sejak terakhir gue ngepost disini, dunia sudah sangat banyak berubah... dan gue juga. Hahaha. My life went upside down (not in the bad way, or amazing way), but I live a very different life today. Sometimes I'm quite amazed by that.

However! Gue lagi tidak ingin ngebahas itu sekarang. Tapi asli gue sedih banget ngeliat betapa berdebunya blog ini, meskipun gatau juga kan ada yang baca apa ngga, secara tiap publish new post juga gue ga pernah pengumuman ke social media gue yang lain. Ya tapi siapa tau kan masih ada yang ~kepo~ sama hidup acu, welcome back!

Tapi jujur, kangen juga nulis. Sebenernya gue udah kepikiran mau bikin challenge challenge naon gitu, tapi sih gue yakin gue ga akan bisa istiqomah 30 hari nulis tiap hari wkwkwk. Yaudah gue ganti jadi 30 topik, yang belum tentu gue akan nulis tiap hari, mungkin 3 hari sekali, mungkin 1 minggu sekali, ya semoga aja ngga 1 tahun sekali wkwkwkw.

Topiknya sendiri gue copy dari blog temen gue ini, karena aku sedang malas berpikir (WKWKWKW), tapi kalo ketemu topik yang gue ga suka/ga tau mau nulis apa, gue akan ganti sesuka hati gue yang gue comot dari writing challenge lainnya.

Jadi inilah yang akan gue tulis selama 30 hari mendatang:

1. A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.
2. What do you want to get better at? What is something you’ve had to overcome in your life?
3. What is the best compliment someone has ever given to you? A picture of somewhere you've been to.
4. A habit that you wish you didn’t have. What knowledge are you grateful for?
5. What is something or someone in your life you feel you can’t live without?
6. Favorite super hero and why.
7. A picture of someone/something that has made the biggest impact on you
8. What makes you feel fulfilled and satisfied?
9. What place are you most grateful for?
10. How does music impact your life?
11. What do you want people to say about you when you’re not around?
12. How you found out about Blogger and why you made one?
13. What abilities are you grateful for?
14. What are your pet peeves?
15. What’s your favorite day of the week, and why?
16. What keeps you at night?
17. What makes you feel engaged and focused?
18. Plans/dreams/goals you have.
19. What’s a challenge you’d love to tackle?
20. Discuss a significant world problem and how you believe it should be solved.
21. List 10 songs that you’re loving right now.
22. List 10 things that make you really happy.
23. Post your favorite movies that you never get tired of watching.
24. Share something you struggle with.
25. Something that you miss.
26. Discuss your first love.
27. Post about your zodiac sign, and whether or not it fits you.
28. Post some words of wisdom that speak to you.
29. Post about three celebrity crushes.
30. List five places you want to visit

Kalo postnya sudah selesai, akan gue link balik ke post ini. Maybe di tengah tengah post ini pun, gue akan post hal random yang ga ada hubungannya. Doakan istiqomah ya!!