Gue lagi sering ngeliat hashtag ini. Well, ga sering juga sih, tapi ada satu artikel di Buzzfeed (and damn I lost it) yang didedikasikan untuk hashtag ini, and it brings back some (bad) memories.
I am still trying so hard, until now, to not regret anything that ever happened in my life and enjoy it, even if sometimes the result is not like you wanted. Tapi ada satu kejadian sampe sekarang, well I guess, that I still can't forgive myself for.
To not standing up for myself and letting myself feeling little.
Beberapa tahun yang lalu, I was in a relationship. It was... if I recalled it again now, I was sure there was nothing good in it.
He didn't hit me, no.
But he made myself feeling little.
He never let me met my friends.
He cut all of my social connection.
He got angry if I went out with my friends.
He blamed everything on me, even if I just stayed at home all day and literally doing nothing, he would find some problem to argue at night, and it would end with me begging for his forgiveness, while actually I didn't know what I was apologized for.
He made me feel stupid.
He made me feel like I should downgrade myself, instead him upgrading himself, so we could be equal. Well no, he didn't want to be equal, he wanted to be better.
He was emotionally abusive to me, and it was wrong.
I still hold grunge until now. I am still angry. Sometimes, I still wish for his life to be hard, to pay back what he has done to my life. Sometimes, I still wish his life would be troubled, or difficult. Well, maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I've cut all kind of contacts with him when we broke up anyway.
I am really trying to forgive myself, but it's hard. It's hard to acknowledge that even though he did that to me, but what mattered most is that, I LET HIM DO THAT. I let him to be.
Kadang-kadang gue masih merasa bodoh sampe sekarang. Kadang-kadang gue masih berusaha me-recall memori masa itu, berusah mengingat-ingat apa yang menyebabkan gue bisa sebodoh itu, bisa membiarkan hidup gue diatur-atur seperti itu. I don't know, mungkin gue emang benar-benar bodoh waktu itu.
I let this sit on my draft for months. I literally forget I had this until I opened this blog again to post something. When did I make this post?
But anyway, I think my life is getting better. The moment I left this on my draft, I didn't know what to write anymore beside the above paragraph, because I let my emotions drove me. But now, with major changes coming in my life, I think it's time to let this one go.
Just, fingers crossed, I hope I don't make this kind of mistake again.
I am still trying so hard, until now, to not regret anything that ever happened in my life and enjoy it, even if sometimes the result is not like you wanted. Tapi ada satu kejadian sampe sekarang, well I guess, that I still can't forgive myself for.
To not standing up for myself and letting myself feeling little.
Beberapa tahun yang lalu, I was in a relationship. It was... if I recalled it again now, I was sure there was nothing good in it.
He didn't hit me, no.
But he made myself feeling little.
He never let me met my friends.
He cut all of my social connection.
He got angry if I went out with my friends.
He blamed everything on me, even if I just stayed at home all day and literally doing nothing, he would find some problem to argue at night, and it would end with me begging for his forgiveness, while actually I didn't know what I was apologized for.
He made me feel stupid.
He made me feel like I should downgrade myself, instead him upgrading himself, so we could be equal. Well no, he didn't want to be equal, he wanted to be better.
He was emotionally abusive to me, and it was wrong.
I still hold grunge until now. I am still angry. Sometimes, I still wish for his life to be hard, to pay back what he has done to my life. Sometimes, I still wish his life would be troubled, or difficult. Well, maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I've cut all kind of contacts with him when we broke up anyway.
I am really trying to forgive myself, but it's hard. It's hard to acknowledge that even though he did that to me, but what mattered most is that, I LET HIM DO THAT. I let him to be.
Kadang-kadang gue masih merasa bodoh sampe sekarang. Kadang-kadang gue masih berusaha me-recall memori masa itu, berusah mengingat-ingat apa yang menyebabkan gue bisa sebodoh itu, bisa membiarkan hidup gue diatur-atur seperti itu. I don't know, mungkin gue emang benar-benar bodoh waktu itu.
I let this sit on my draft for months. I literally forget I had this until I opened this blog again to post something. When did I make this post?
But anyway, I think my life is getting better. The moment I left this on my draft, I didn't know what to write anymore beside the above paragraph, because I let my emotions drove me. But now, with major changes coming in my life, I think it's time to let this one go.
Just, fingers crossed, I hope I don't make this kind of mistake again.
I think you're evil about your emosional opinion.. hidup ini pilihan van.. plus minus.. bullshit org yg anda maksud tdk pernah melakukan hal positif, kebaikan, atau membuat anda merasa bahagia.. Karna yg sy tau pasti ada sisi kebaikan di diri setiap manusia.. Tinggal tergantung kitanya menyikapi dengan kepala dingin dan positif thinking atau sebaliknya.. Sedikit saran, mungkin beberapa tahun yg lalu berjalan ini kalian masih belum sama-sama dewasa.. Tidak menutup kemungkinan sekarang atau saat ini kalian berdua sudah sama-sama dewasa. Selesaikan masalahmu.. Jika anda tidak menyelesaikannya, tidak menutup kemungkinan anda akan mengalami hal seperti ini terus.. Hidup anda tdk akan tenang.. Secepatnya ambil keputusan berani untuk bertemu dgn org tersebut dan bicarakan semua hal yg membuat anda bisa lega atau sebaliknya.. karna yg namanya "batin" setiap manusia tidak ada yg bisa tau.. Siapa tau setelah itu hidup kalian berdua akan tenang kedepannya.. It's just my opinion, "Yout life is your choice.."
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